reassure me of an uncertainty
by thesweetsummerchilde
Summary: alice... do I have to lose you too? - ozlice


**Rated** : T for death and because - like, this isn't very appropriate for little kiddies :3 And beside, I've only written rated-T fanfic - so why the sudden change?

 **Summary** : Alice... Do I have to lose you too...?

 **Author's Note** : First, why do I feel like there are not enough Ozlice fans out there? And second, why don't I have any reviews?

Therefore, third: pleasesesese, please please please please please, anyone out there, please read and review! Oh come on, why do you have to refuse? You know, you just officially break my heart!

 **Disclaimer: No, I do not own Pandora Hearts, Jun-sensei does. If I did, Oz and Alice would already be together - Oh wait, they did! And the song,** ** _Skyfall_** **, doesn't belong to me.**

And... Here we go.

* * *

Sometimes, when he feels a little too happy and gleeful, like nothing can ever go wrong, these memories always plagues in his mind, some effective reminders of the all too lovely past, of those horrible moments he'd witnessed. Like the world doesn't want him to feel anything but mentally tortured.

And at times like that (yes, ' _times_ ', plural), Oz usually curls himself in a tiny ball, sitting in the dark corner of his room, avoiding everything - people busying themselves with work and work, life which still passing, sun still shinning brightly, birds singing their songs...

It's a beautiful life - too beautiful to be real. Flawless perfection, giving him the impression of a pure and fragile crystalline snowflake, so small and vulnerable and _breakable_ that a gentle touch of his hand can easily crush it, or the slightest of golden sunlight can melt it into nothing... A far away life of someone who shares his name...

Spinning crazily in his head are dreadful assumptions, the 'what if's provoking his deepest fear lying the furthest down...

* * *

 _This is the end_  
 _Hold your breath and count to ten_  
 _Feel the Earth move and then_  
 _Hear my heart burst again_

* * *

What would happen if Jack Vessalius had succeeded in merging the two dimensions - this world and the Abyss?

Worse, what would happen if the second time, in order to achieve his goal, Jack hadn't hesitated but immediately created another Tragedy of the Sablier?

It very much could have happened...

And even though they are just impossible possibilities, Oz can't help but feels his heart tighten, again and again they go, pushing him down misery...

* * *

 _For this is the end_  
 _I've drowned and dreamt this moment_  
 _So overdue I owed them_  
 _Swept away I'm stolen._

* * *

The colour red was everywhere, redness of flame, of fire, of blood, of ground and of sky... The castle was drowned in red, the suffocating colour. Walls was stained with the indescribable shades, bright orange fire strolling down slowly, destroy everything on its way, streams of thick red liquid and pools of sticky redness flowed freely on the tilted floor.

Corpses. Corpses were everywhere and anywhere, and nobody was at least decent. They were all crushed, blood oozed out the open wounds, reddened the delicate clothes.

The salty smelt of blood and heated scent of flame created the overpowering mixture, filled in his nostrils, he couldn't breathe...

The cool and damp sensation of redness on his hands made him disgust himself...

What had he done?

The colour trailed along, out of the castle, to the wood. An isolated place, with only the tower lonely stood.

Where blood was reddest, where everything began and ended

* * *

 _Skyfall is where we start_  
 _A thousand miles and poles apart_

* * *

A black little stuffed toy, the rabbit, was there,

The brown-haired Rapunzel, staying lonely, seperated from the world outside, with only her dolls to play with...

And the Prince Charming, the knight in shiny armour, on his white horse, came.

Rescuing her from loneliness, teaching her many thing 'bout the beauty. About red roses, and balls, with people crowded the huge room...

He was her everything, her world, her love,...

And then she, herself, using her body to stop him.

The silver scissors cut through her body, red blood flowed violently again...

Purple oozed out from those amethyst eyes. Left behind the cold orbs, void of any sparks he'd come to love in her...

* * *

 _Where worlds collide and days are denied_  
 _You can take my name_  
 _But you'll never take my heart_

* * *

He sinks further down. His arms wrap around the body, knees jerk up. His face buried deeper down the cloth,

The atmosphere is heavier, slumping his shoulders, his small form...

It seems like the world wants him to pay for what he did.

A bitter smile grazes across his lips...

And what else does he have but sins?

 _There was nothing in your hand from the beginning..._

 _Everything you love and want to protect is a lie..._

And a part of him desperately clings onto hope, they aren't fake, the memories are too real...

Gil has to be real, uncle Oscar has to be real... There love for him, Gil's faith and uncle's understanding, are for him, not for the name 'Oz Vessalius', right...

Alice, Alice is definitely not a lie, she isn't, no way...

Those bright smiles and the crystal tears, they are too warm to be a ghost's...

Fear is up in his throat again, his lungs burning...

What if Alice was killed again?

By him, by his hands no less?

 _Alice... Do I have to lose you too...?_

* * *

At times like this, it's Alice, Alice who finds him in his room, hiding from the past, the present and the future, hiding from the world and hiding from fate. A broken doll, forgotten on the dusted attic.

The amethyst eyes look at him, with the tenderness he never sees.

For him. Only for him is she gentle and... feminine like this. Fragile and breakable, like every beauty of this life...

And his eyes, emerald eyes always cheerful and lively, now trembles fearfully, a white rabbit, too cautious with his surrounding.

The sun, he called her his sun, and if there is no sun, no light and warmth, there certainly is no life...

And without Alice, who is he?

Her eyes, always wavering with enthusiasm, are now calm. Looking right at his.

Oz can see understanding. Naive, little Alice knows what he's been through...

Purple slightly sparkles, and for a moment, in his vision, those eyes are empty and cold again, staring into nothingness.

A cold shiver runs down his spin, and he shudders involuntarily, his breath shallow...

But she understands. He knows. She understands the unspoken feeling inside him, the fears he never tells anyone. And the tears, pooling up in his eyes, but can never flow out, instead are swallowed back in his heart. The pain and wound after many years.

He wants to tell her, anything, an explanation, a 'thank you', an apology, anything at all. But words are stuck in his throat, trembling:

"Alice... I..."

And she smiles. A warm, hearty smile. Wrapping herself around him, and he lets her being engulf him, the unique scent of rose and apple and rain...

He wonders if in the long, lonely century he lives, he had ever missed being with her...

But she is here now. She is here. With him.

She understand. And that's all he needs.

 _Where you go I go_  
 _What you see I see_  
 _I know i'll never be without the security_  
 _Are your loving arms_  
 _Keeping me from harm_  
 _Put your hand in my hand_  
 _And we'll stand._

 _Let the sky fall_  
 _When it crumbles_  
 _We will stand tall_  
 _And face it all together_  
 _At Skyfall._


End file.
